Click

Finally, I watched Click through its entirety. And let me tell you, I was bawling my eyes out for this one! I knew that it was going to be sad. Everyone who has seen it would always point out that fact when I asked them about it. Considering what I figured the general plot of the story to be, I figured that's the only way it would end. I mean, c'mon. Fast forwarding through life? Any idiot would know it could only end in pain.

Still, even the most genius would still fall into the same trap of idiocy. I mean, take me for example. Yea duh haven't you ever heard of Faye the genius? :-P Okay, so maybe not. But I'd like to think of myself as the sort of person who gets that life is about having your family and relationships above status and wealth gains. Still, there are a lot of moments where I find myself fast-forwarding through life. No, I don't have a special remote. But, especially right now, I'm just looking forward for things to get moving to the part where it's supposed to get interesting. Maybe the part when I got a better job or the part that I'm married or the part when I'm getting my dream home. It doesn't matter. Mostly, things right now, compared to the last 2 years of independence and living life day by day, things... are pretty blah. Nothing unusual. Nothing to brag about. Seemingly, nothing special. Just life at its routine best of eat, work, rest. So my moind sort of zombies out for most of the day, just going from each task to the next. I feel like adam sandler's character a lot when I've finally stopped the fast forward and realize i totally don't remember what I did last week, or yesterday... or today for that matter. Life in auto-pilot.

I guess that's why I decided to watch the movie, even though I knew I'd cry. I'm getting tired of the auto-pilot. And as much as I do watch a fast-forward button, I know I'd regret it. Cuz right now is the last chance I have to live in my old home with my sister and grands. I need to savor this time with them as much as I can. I need to leave work where it needs to stay, at work. WHich I know is hard since I'm a teacher and work comes home.. but I mean more like the drama at my work needs to stay at work. I need to start appreciating this time as a single daughter, sister, granddaughter before I take on the role of wife because I'll be spending more years in that role than in this.

Ah, I think I'm writing on too far. You guys get the picture. So i'll end this. But if you catch me going onto auto pilot again, do me a favor... shake me out of it!!!

all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely smokers?

Apparently, some people in Minnesota found a loophole in the smoking ban. The ban disallows smoking in bars, unless it is part of a theatrical production, like a prop for actors. So, bar owners started to make playbills and encourage patrons to dress in costume and "act" in their play. One even put up a black curtain with a sign that reads "Stage Entrance" and under props, a stack of ashtrays. Mostly these "actor's" costumes consist of everyday clothing and act like they always do, with the exception of a few creative characters who add accents.

I thought this was completely insane. But in a good way. Granted, I am really against smoking because I have a very sensitive airway that has me producing unlady-like sounds when I smell strong and nasty things. However, I have to give them applause for their ingenious way of getting what they want. Some people look at themselves as activist who are kind of "sticking it to the man" when they do this, showing just how they feel about the ban.

Of course, the officials (whomever is supposed to monitor that the law is followed) are already cracking down on these fake productions. After all, regardless their actions, it doesn't change that second-hand smoke is harmful. I mean, that crap still sticks to you even when you go home and kiss your babies goodnight or drive them around in your vehicle the next day. But hey, it was fun while it lasted.

ban on silence

Welcome to the planet

Welcome to existence

 

Everyone's here

Everyone's here 

Everybody's watching you now 

Everybody waits for you now 

What happens next? 

What happens next? 

I dare you to move 

I dare you to move 

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor 

I dare you to move 

I dare you to move 

Like today never happened 

Today never happened before 

Welcome to the fallout 

Welcome to resistance 

The tension is here 

The tension is here 

Between who you are and who you could be 

Between how it is and how it should be 

I dare you to move 

I dare you to move 

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor 

I dare you to move

I dare you to move 

Like today never happened 

Today never happened

 

Maybe redemption has stories to tell 

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell 

Where can you run to escape from yourself? 

Where you gonna go? 

Where you gonna go? 

Salvation is here

- Switchfoot

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You'd never think that a musically inclined person from a very musically inclined family would ever stop listening or doing musical things.  But it's true.  For a long time, even before I moved back, I've just stopped listening to music unless it was there.  Kind of like a passive music listener.  I don't really notice it's absence and sometimes care not for its presence. 

You'd think that maybe it's because I don't like music.  Funnily enough, I do.  Music touches me.  It touches me so much to a point that it always affects how I feel so much.  So I don't listen to much music because I haven't really wanted to feel. 

Why?

Well, there's been a lot of negative and unhappy feelings welling inside me that I was afraid of coming out.  Kind of like the whole sh** hitting the fan effect, except with an intangible object like emotions.

Anyway, since I've realized this about myself, as part of the healing process, I am making sure that I listen to more music and allow myself to feel whatever I'm supposed to feel.  I'm also allowing myself to feel emotion when I watch movies.  Just basically a ban on indifference rather than simply on silence.

Wish me luck.  Perhaps if I am successful at this, I can find some semblance of normal in my sanity.  :)