Why do I want to be a social worker?

This seems like the simplest question to ask. Especially since this is what I've decided to do my masters in. So why is it that when I sit in front of Microsoft Word, trying to answer this important question, my mind blanks and I can't put anything down!!!

So why do I really want to be a social worker? Well, I think of it this way: everyone has their passion, the thing in life that drives them to be and feel like their life has meaning. It is not necessarily one thing. But everyone has that something. Musicians are driven by music whether it be a love for playing the violin, composing a song or conducting a 100 piece orchestra. They devote time and energy in their craft. They work not only to improve their execution, usually through practice and research of different methods, but also to improve the craft itself by trying new ways of doing things. Like Vanessa-Mae who uses a traditional classical instrument, a violin, to play rock music. Or Linkin Park who combines rap, rock and metal. My passion happens to be helping people. Though I enjoy many other ventures, including music, none of them hold the same reward for me as knowing that I am making a difference in someone else's life. If someone needs something and it's within my capacity, I will do it.

Blah, that's not really a good intro to start an essay. I need to think of more specific things. but my mind is so jumbled up.

Then, why social work and not other kinds of helping professions? I have tried another helping profession: teaching. And honestly, I don't want to stay in teaching anymore. Four years working in preschool and even the most patient person in the world will be up to their limit. Unless it's their calling or their hearts desire, you can only stay long in this field. Don't get me wrong, I love being with the little ones. I enjoy their fresh views on life, their easy smiles, warm and loving personalities. I mostly like knowing that I'm helping not only them, but someone.. their parents to take care and help teach values and basic skills. That pretty much sums up the only things I like to teach. I like teaching them how to help themselves whether it's how they wash hands, how to ask if you can play with a friend, how to give a hug when you hurt someone. I also like singing along with them and reading stories, especially if they are paying attention and answer questions. But that's only a small part of "teaching".

So if not teaching, what other helping profession is there? There's nursing. But I think I've decided a long time ago not to be that... merely because every other Filipina is a nurse! Too late to be a doctor. So, it seems social work it is. After all, the career span can be as broad as I'd like it to be. I know I like working with children and families, yet at the same time I also would like to work in an international capacity, maybe with immigrants. This field can allow for both. I guess we shall see where this leads.

"Nothing gold can stay"

Okay, so maybe in this specific instance, it's not really gold. But I lost the silver Tiffany's ring that my boyfriend gave me for our 1st anniversary. Honestly, when I first saw it, I didn't like it that much. It was all the different things I was expecting. However, after wearing it daily for almost 2 years, it became a part of me, something that was close to my heart and something that reminded me that I was in someone else's. Even now, with it gone, my skin bears an imprint from its weight enclosing my finger. I find myself touching the spot with my thumb to adjust the ring.. only to remember with great remorse that it is gone.

I can't believe that I feel this loss so strongly. It's just a freakin' ring!!!!

But then again, it's not. After that initial reaction, I grew attached to it and all its symbolic connections. What doesn't help the case is the fact and my boyfriend and I have been feeling the long distance shutting off the life in the relationship. Losing the ring feels akin to losing the person who gave it to me. It's especially difficult that he is not around to vent to. But then again, part of the downfall has been our lack of meaningful conversation. :-\

I'm probably making a big deal out of this. But I get attached so easily. And when there is a change or a loss, it takes a while to get used to.

The worst part is that I've been racking my brain the last 2 days.. wondering how it could have fallen off! And no, I did not take it off because the only times it's off were during the paraffin wax dip for therapy and applying sunblock. I've been so distracted lately that I don't even remember the last time I noticed it on my hand. It could be anywhere. :(