Please Support!

Chase is doing a thing (I know, very descriptive), where they will give money to the top voted charities. I know there are many great organizations out there who do a lot of good work in their communities. Please consider the Children's Orchestra Society as well. I was with them for 5 years, and it was a great experience for me. Just something about working hard with other children for the same goal and then being able to show our hard work to people was a great feeling. COS not only builds musical skills but interpersonal skills and is a great avenue for children to express themselves and do something fun and productive. They have unique experiences, from seeing a famous musician for a master class to performing in Carnegie Hall. These sort of things can inspire and motivate a child to strive for something more. Thanks!

Trust His Heart

A very fitting song that was sung in church yesterday:

All things work for our good
though sometimes we cant see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows whats best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So, when your pathway grows dim,
and you just cant see Him,
Remember Hes still on the throne.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you dont understand,
when you dont see His plan,
When you cant trace His hand, trust His heart.

He sees the Master plan.
He holds the future in His hands.
So dont live as those who have no hope.
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge,
but He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry, Hes weaving you and me
to someday be just like Him.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you dont understand,
when you dont see His plan,
When you cant trace His hand, trust His heart.

- Babbie Mason and Eddie Carswell

Thoughts on my return to O'ahu

Just felt the need to share. Warning: this is a bit long.

It's been a month since I left O'ahu. I am finally forcing myself to sit down and write out the turbulence of emotions that overwhelmed me before, during and after. You must think me crazy. Most people don't usually find themselves with chaotic thoughts when thinking of this paradise. After all, O'ahu is part of the beautiful islands of Hawai'i. They are the States' Eden, if you will. However, my hesitant departure two years ago left me unable to close that page.


When I describe leaving my life on O'ahu, I use the imagery of an amazingly wonderful boyfriend that you had to break up with for no reason other than it being the rational/logical thing to do. This boyfriend did nothing to deserve your behavior for he treated you well. He showered your romance with gifts of rainbows, fragrant flowers, singing birds and soothing turquoise oceans. Days alternate between good and bad, yet you find yourself content with life. But due to familial responsibilities and your need to be all Capricorn and rise above your current status, you force your brain to override your heart and on a tearful July afternoon, you bid him farewell.

Heart-wrenching, isn't it? Ever since that day, my head was filled with thoughts of what I left behind. As charming and full of distractions as life can be by New York City, it could never beat a quiet, lazy day on Lanikai or working amidst the mountains of Manoa where I can send my students outside on a bug hunt just because I didn't have any "official" lesson plans that day.

The first year was the hardest. Just looking through my pictures or hearing about my friends there bring me to tears. I tried planning a visit last summer, but the thought of returning broke me down and I had to shut off the computer, putting the trip off indefinitely.

The year after, I managed to function like a normal east-coaster, living my life for work, paying bills and on weekends, going out to the city for gigs or just hanging out with friends at some lounge or mall. But everything here costs money. And every now and then, my thoughts would return to my paradise with free beaches, hiking and other fun things that I could just randomly do. But I managed to bring myself back to reality. After all, my life is in the east now. I had my house to help care for, a job and was accepted to Columbia University for my masters. These were the things I aimed for when I left and it's all coming together.

Still, with all these distractions, I remained discontented with life, like I was missing something vital. When I see my old albums, with pictures of my boyfriend and I at some beach or other, I realized what it was. I missed the islands.

So, finally I managed to make concrete plans to return: August 5. I wrote down all the places I was going to eat at (yes, eat and not things I was going to do haha) and was trying to get excited for it. But as the date loomed closer, the more anxious I became. It was difficult to sleep and even as the plane prepared to land on Honolulu, I was on the verge of tears. When I got to the ground, I was in such a daze that I wondered if I could safely operate a moving vehicle. But once I started driving down Nimitz, I slowly calmed down. The roads were familiar, the shops, the harbor, the trees. They seemed to welcome me back. By the time I picked up my friend from her work, I was very excited again and looking forward for new adventures ahead.

Yes, I know, you think I'm insane for getting so emotional over a city. But this wasn't just any city. This was my city. It was the first place that I really made my own. I was able to become what I wished and do what pleased me without expectations from family and friends (aside from staying alive). [ Asian kids.. you know what I mean by expectations. ] LOL But I was 5,000 miles away and free!

Two days after was when I felt like I was living back there again. I visited old haunts, my former work place and friends. But I also tried new adventures so my week there wasn't just living in the past but making new memories.

The visit seemed to be just the closure I had been craving the last two years. Though I am not fully prepared for the path laid out ahead, I no longer cling to the island as my safe haven and one shot at paradise. I can think of it without being overly melancholy. Yes, I still miss aspects of it, but in a way that a person would remain attached to something valuable. It will always be a place that means a lot for me and maybe someday, I can move back there again.

Teaching

Amidst the flurry of the classroom's chaotic routine: "She hit me!" "He took my toy!" "Ms. Faye, Ms. Faye, Ms. Faye!" and other such wailings, the easiest thing for any sane human being to do is take a deep breath and start banging her head on the wall.

Tempting. Very tempting. Still, after some exclamations of "Apologize to him!", "Return the toy!" "Get off the table!", one manages to put on a smile and then say with extreme pleasure, "YOU ARE GOING TO SIT IN TIME OUT!" There! That should do it.... but of course it doesn't. And the aggravation goes with a series of "NOOOOOO Ms. Faye" as they bodily throw themselves on the floor and proceed with their Broadway tears.

In this madness, the reason why a person would subject themselves to this torture becomes vague. Am I going through a masochistic phase? Are there other means of birth control? Is it worth the money? Oh wait. There is NO money.

Then a small arm links itself to yours and you look to see a child smiling at you like you are one of the most wonderful persons in the world. And another goes up to give you a big hug and insists "I wanna kiss your hand!" "Ms. Faye, I love you," declares another with the utmost sincerity.

Ahh... Now I remember why I'm here.

Lessons at Home Depot

There are many things to be found at a store such as Home Depot. Among these things is a lesson for a lady on how to be treated by men. Chivalry is not dead.

I was at the store to help mom look for something as well as gather more garden things (Yes, I may be getting obsessed with gardening) when I heard the clatter of metal falling on the floor. Without thought, I bent to help pick up whatever was dropped. However, to my astonishment, the man looked me straight in the eye and said with an imperative tone, "Please, please, do not pick it up." I didn't know what to say. It was the first time I've been obstructed from helping someone. I was wondering if there was something I did wrong or if I was just not allowed to touch these metal objects. Noticing this, he said, "Thank you. But a lady never picks up things for a man. Let the man pick up things for a lady."

With that, all I could do was give a half smile and nod my head, still in a state of shock. Though now, it was not at his vehement response to my action but rather at how a perfect stranger could make me feel so well cared for with one statement.

Now, I'm not saying that women can't do things for themselves. However, somewhere along the way of our independence, we have allowed ourselves to be treated with less respect from men. We want to be so equal to them in everything and then complain when our men are no longer being romantic like paying for dinner or holding the door open. We complain that they don't act like they care about us when maybe we have not given men an opportunity to show us. I believe feminism goes beyond just having equal rights to men. It should also be a celebration of all the things that goes with being a woman, included being treated like a queen especially by your man.

=)

Via Dolorosa

There is a beautiful song called "Via Dolorosa". I first heard it during Good Friday service at Punahou Church 2 years ago. It brought tears to my eyes and reminded me of what Jesus suffered through because of His love for me. This Good Friday, I got a chance to sing this beautiful song. I thought I would post it up. My Tita didn't really get a chance to practice the piece so it's mostly sightreading for her. haha

decisions, decisions

If you had a chance to go to the school of your dreams, would you? Of course. Who wouldn't? The beginning of my dilemma.

Last year, I decided to pursue my masters. I applied to only three schools with a fervent hope of being accepted by one, Columbia University. I never cared as much about what school I attended when I decided on my undergrad and chose instead the school that gave me a full ride. However, after seeing my family graduate from great schools that challenged them academically, I realized that upon my return to school, I want the same challenge. And what better challenge than to do a masters program at an Ivy League school?

So now I have the acceptance. However, financial aid isn't giving much "aid". Most of it will come from alternative loans, which tend to have higher interests. The other school gave me a merit scholarship with a significant amount of money. :-\

What do I do?

Theremin

I discovered an interesting instrument from a friend called the theremin. He was youtubing (yes it's a verb now) unusual instruments. Then, we came across this very interesting video that I'll embed below. It's awesome! Why?


Because of how completely bizarre and random it is, albeit a little creepy, but very enjoyable. I couldn't stop cracking up.

Oh, if you want to know about theremin's, read this article.

I get bored easily.

Two weeks after my declaration, I purchased a skateboard.

To be specific it's a longboard, sector 9 with a pretty picture of the ocean on the back. Had fun trying it out front, but still having a hard time with turning. But I'm a little scared to fall on concrete when noone's around so I'm saving the tough stuff for later. haha
This crazy new idea cost a plane ticket... but.. I think it's worth my sanity. I somehow keep dreaming about skateboarding recently. Plus, I'm so motivated ever since a skate shop guy thought I was nuts and my own boyfriend think I'm nuts. Don't ever tell me I can't do something since it almost always motivates me to do it :)

I'm having a lot of fun so far. This venture is also part of my decision to stop being afraid of falling and making mistakes... a bad habit that plagued me for ages. Granted, falling on concrete is reason to be afraid. But I have my helmet. And I can stand while it rolls without falling. That is already a thumbs up. I hope this lasts a while... I have to make up the $300...

love of money

I have to admit. Sometimes, when I think of people who chose more lucrative professions, the big green monster of envy rears its ugly head. Choosing a career based on idealism and the whole "making the world a better place" is all well and good. But when I think of Kate Spade bags, Tiffany's, Ugg boots, Mercedes and a house in Hawai'i... well.. you get the picture. So, I should be planning to go back to school for something that pays more like nursing or accounting. But instead, here I am procrastinating an essay to get me to a school for social work. More idealism. Less of a paycheck. I hope I get a big "Thank You" card from the world for this sacrifice.


Okay, Faye shallow moment is done.

birthdays..

another day, another year

What makes a birthday special? Is it the company you keep? Is it the things you do? Is it where you go?


How can you plan this special day so that you can think of it as one of the best days of the year? .. so that the next day you don't feel like maybe there's something you could have done differently that would make you feel like... "hell yea! it was my BIRTHDAY!"

But then again, maybe it is that thought process which creates the problem. The thought that birthdays much be special. That birthdays are days apart from the other 364.

I really wanted it to be. Yesterday was my special day. It was my boyfriend's last day with me, so we spend the morning lazing about and the afternoon at the mall, basically spending as much time together as we could. In the evening, 21 wonderful friends & family joined me for dinner at a French diner. It was great. It was a lot of fun.

And so of course, the next day feels sub par in comparison.

Then again, it may just be because I miss my other half. =(

Two years in a row, my birthday is marred by a goodbye. =T We need to find a way to fix this...