a day of mourning / a day of thanks

The following post was written on my tumblr.

My professor on Tuesday morning, reminded me of an important thing to remember as we celebrate Thanksgiving: this is a Day of Mourning for the United American Indians of New England.  The story we know of Thanksgiving involved Pilgrims being able to survive their first winter with the help of Native Americans, culminating in a bountiful feast.  Yet, this thankfulness was short-lived as subsequent centuries reveal atrocities, even genocide, against the Native Americans.  Unaware of this part of history?  Here is an example, a video about what happened to the Lakota Tribe by a photographer who documented their struggles and talked about their issues of oppression and the history of Native Americans in this country.

I do not share this to diminish the importance that Thanksgiving has come to mean to many people in this nation.  It is important to spend time with loved ones; to stop and think of what we can be thankful for in our lives.  This is something that should even be done more often than once a year.  However, as we remember our own blessings, we should also be aware at what the price some of it had to come.

On this, the day after Thanksgiving, I am sufficiently fed and contently relaxed enough to list some of what I am grateful for:

* family - God has blessed me with one of the most loving people on earth who I know will always be there to be there to guide, support, encourage and help me through whatever comes my way in life.

* friends - You make life worth living with music, laughter, hugs, craziness and other adventures we find ourselves in.  

* a home, food, clothes - I never want for anything and I never forget to be thankful for this.

* my health - It is a blessing to have eyes to see the beauty of God’s creation, ears to hear the beautiful music of life, hands to touch the world around me,feet to take me where I can serve and a heart that beats and loves every day.

* my talents - Without these, I am but a lifeless human shell.  But I have been made with a purpose and I am thankful for these gifts and hope that I am using them for the betterment of this world while I am alive. 

* the chance to traverse this amazingly large and exotic world, the openness of mind to find beauty in everything, being able to attend school and having a great internship to hone my skills, and so much more than I can even write as well as fathom at this point…

As we continue into this holiday season, remember what we’ve been thankful for… it’s always a good way to start a New Year.

tapping into my OPM roots

I was somehow reminded of this song my church friends and I used to sing when we were in high school. It reminds me of happy retreat days at Painted Post, amidst sooo much snow! I miss the good times we had singing by a piano. :)

Forever, Regine Velasquez with Martin Nievera

We've come so far
To leave it all behind
I wonder why
Why did you go away?
And left me all alone
No words can say
My love, please stay.

Each night I pray
That we can be together once again
Forever more we'll stay
And love this way no matter what they say
Until the end.

REFRAIN:
You and I, we have moments left to share
You and I, we can make it anywhere
You and I, we belong in each other's arms
There can be no other love
Now, I know that we could have it all
Forever

Hopelessly

Finally got around to watch Pushing Daisies. Happy surprise: Kristin Chenoweth is in it!!!! =)
I love her voice and she did a short singing thing in the second episode.. to my delight! It's a pretty funny little clip and reminded me of this sappy but great song as well. So thought I'd just share. You can watch the clip here since I can't embed the video.

Episode Lyrics to Hopelessly Devoted to You

Guess mine is not the first heart broken,
my eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know,
there's just no gettin' over you
I know, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around
and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' left for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted...
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you

The thing with a new life...

...is that you kind of miss your old one.

When I returned from Perú, I knew I'd be a different person. Not in the sense that I would change personalities, rather acquire a new perspective on life. Heck, that's why I chose to leave the country in the first place! I even wrote the following in my journal as I flew over Ecuador: "All that's left is for me to remember what drove me to be 'brave' and fly to this place alone. The one everyone knows is 'learn Spanish & volunteer'. My personal reason stems from needing to gain confidence, spend time away... for clarity... and mostly to become more in tune with myself. It's funny how only when I'm away from home do I seem to get back to being myself."

From time to time I wondered whether I deviated from the "me" that arrived in Perú to the one that stared back in the mirror. There were even a few failed attempts at scheduling time to ponder on life decisions. However, I found myself too busy exploring and enjoying my present lifetime, pushing aside the worries of the future... to the future. The next thing I knew, I was saying heartbreaking farewells to dear, new friends and I was once again in the shoes of my old life... as if 2 months was a distant dream.

It amuses me is how imperceptibly change occurs. What eluded my notice all those times I searched in my new surroundings had become glaringly obvious as I entered into "reverse culture shock". For all my concerns of not reaching the goals set, I had landed to a point far beyond, creating an unforeseen dilemma of how it would fit into the life I left behind.

The first few weeks back was horrendously difficult. Not only was I dealing with withdrawals for the friends and life I created as well as navigating my former life with a new mentality, but the people around me struggled to understand the person that returned in my place. What was more frustrating is that I could not even help them understand because we were now thinking on two differing planes, neither able to see the other.

It has now been 5 weeks since I returned. Things have slowly settled into something, though I am unsure as to what it is. I've made even more decisions that threw me into a path that only God knows the ending to... and I am content. On this side, not knowing what is in front of me, I find myself craving this challenge whereas the old me would have clutched on to anything comfortable. Still, those old instincts have not completely disappeared. In quiet moments when the touch of uncertainty becomes too strong, I ponder at simply making things "easier" and returning my life to exactly the way it was before I left the country. I do miss the simplicity of knowing more or less where I was headed for. Maybe I can still be content in it.

But then, I remember why I even decided to spend two months in a far and unknown place. Where I was before I left was not where I wanted to be. Chickening out and simply settling into that old, cozy shell would be a blasphemy on everything that I had learned and accomplished over the summer.

So here I am now. It is 17 hours until the start of my final year of grad school... for once, absolutely having no idea of what the road ahead leads... yet having a clearer idea of where I want it to. I only pray that I don't lose courage and "settle" because there is something else amazing waiting down the road. And what else do we really live for but to continue learning, growing and most of all, trust in God's sovereignty... that all does work for the good.

I can't wait.

April Showers

The last couple of days have been depressingly cloudy and wet. So I thought I'd post something to cheer my depressingly empty blog. :)

The end of April is already near. The last month has honestly passed by so quickly. My head's been so occupied with so many things that I can't even keep track. All I know is that everything is happening so fast. I have 2 days left of classes! Huzzah. Then, there is my 7 days left as a guidance outreach intern, which has been a very interesting role to fill, especially after being a teacher the last few years. Then, there's 18 days until a vacation to Mexico and another 39 days until Peru! Oh btw, yes I am going to Peru. I'll be there for 2 months, courtesy for Interexchange and Amauta Spanish School. It's something so huge I haven't even had time to think about it amidst the flurry of papers and attempts not to be drowned by stress. However, I'm excited to learn Spanish, get to know the Peruvian people and have an experience in South America for the first time!

So here's to hoping to have an exciting and less stressful few months ahead, albeit still hectic. But I'm looking forward to a new adventure.

Introducing... Alfa

Just wanted to give a shoutout to my awesomely talented sister, ALFA. If you don't know who she is yet, well, that's why we have this video: Introducing...Alfa

Introducing... Alfa from Dave Dodds on Vimeo.

In case that doesn't give you an idea, she's a singer/songwriter with catchy tunes and intelligent lyrics.
Also, you can check out her website: http://www.alfa-music.com

Label Defends Taylor Swift as 'Voice of a Generation'

Label Defends Taylor Swift as 'Voice of a Generation'

I can't believe this guy is trying to defend Taylor Swift's atrocious performance. He cites that live performances will have technical difficulties. But she was terrible in last year's performance as well. Is it a coincidence that on two of the biggest nights they will have "technical difficulties"? It seems the only technical difficulty is her inability to carry a tune. Maybe she should stick to songwriting and let those Grammys go to people who deserve them.

Also, "voice of the generation"? If auto-tune is the voice of this generation, I want out. Call me old-fashioned, but I like people who can actually sing on their own.

I know this sounds harsh but I'm sick of how the music industry fails to provide us with good new music. They only sign people based on how their MARKETABILITY rather than actual musical TALENT. Music should not be about money and sponsors and how many records you can sell with a pretty face.

It's a Brand New Year

And so begins another year... albeit a little quieter than my celebrations in the past. So far, 2010 is proving to be calmer, and yet not. Last night, I ended my year full of the dilemmas that had plagued 2009. None of them have found its resolution. On the contrary, they've been solved only through the enduring nature of love and determination.

It was fitting that my friend and I opened the champagne bottle before the New Year. We celebrated the end of 2009 and its hardships. But the coming year brings unknown trials of its own. Therefore, I've decided that my resolution is to put the past behind me, so that I may be ready to face what lies ahead. After all, this year will be another year of completely being a grad student, another year of distance from my boyfriend and simply another year of being Faye, which in itself brings difficulties. lol

Maybe I'll learn to grow up.