"When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..." - Iris

02 March 2008

ban on silence

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
 
Everyone's here
Everyone's here 
Everybody's watching you now 
Everybody waits for you now 
What happens next? 
What happens next? 

I dare you to move 
I dare you to move 
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor 
I dare you to move 
I dare you to move 
Like today never happened 
Today never happened before 

Welcome to the fallout 
Welcome to resistance 
The tension is here 
The tension is here 
Between who you are and who you could be 
Between how it is and how it should be 

I dare you to move 
I dare you to move 
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor 
I dare you to move
I dare you to move 
Like today never happened 
Today never happened
 
Maybe redemption has stories to tell 
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell 
Where can you run to escape from yourself? 
Where you gonna go? 
Where you gonna go? 
Salvation is here

- Switchfoot

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You'd never think that a musically inclined person from a very musically inclined family would ever stop listening or doing musical things.  But it's true.  For a long time, even before I moved back, I've just stopped listening to music unless it was there.  Kind of like a passive music listener.  I don't really notice it's absence and sometimes care not for its presence. 

You'd think that maybe it's because I don't like music.  Funnily enough, I do.  Music touches me.  It touches me so much to a point that it always affects how I feel so much.  So I don't listen to much music because I haven't really wanted to feel. 

Why?

Well, there's been a lot of negative and unhappy feelings welling inside me that I was afraid of coming out.  Kind of like the whole sh** hitting the fan effect, except with an intangible object like emotions.

Anyway, since I've realized this about myself, as part of the healing process, I am making sure that I listen to more music and allow myself to feel whatever I'm supposed to feel.  I'm also allowing myself to feel emotion when I watch movies.  Just basically a ban on indifference rather than simply on silence.

Wish me luck.  Perhaps if I am successful at this, I can find some semblance of normal in my sanity.  :)

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